Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
