There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize