I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
