Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
