I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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