I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
