I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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