dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
