I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize