That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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