Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize