I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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