Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
