who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
is wine microwaveable?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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