Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
