Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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