I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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