i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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