I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
