does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
