is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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