I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
