sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
