More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
