It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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