With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
