i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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