every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
farters have to be the big spoon...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Randomize
