I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
