after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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