We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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