I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
