i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
