She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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