i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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