Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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