I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
