Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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