So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
