pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize