I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize