Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
You left your phone here
Wait...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
