So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
