this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
