He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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