Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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