Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
