giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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