We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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