You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
