Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
