Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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