1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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