So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
