Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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