Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
