why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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