I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
