Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
