I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize