She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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