She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
