Having a random hookup so left but love u
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
