heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize