So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
