I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
