I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
