Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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