i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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