Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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