The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
