A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
