This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize