Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
