just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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