dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
