And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
