I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
