I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
