I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
