She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
