I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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