That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
