i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize