I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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