I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
