nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
