So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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