8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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