Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
