I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
