i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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