Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it's great music for shaving your balls
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize