How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
