Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Boobs speak an international language.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
