The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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