His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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