When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
