Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
