Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
