i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
