Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
