Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
