Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
