if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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