Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize