i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
